NOTE: ANY ADVICE GIVEN CANNOT BE TRUSTED; I AM UNPUBLISHED. REPEAT: UNPUBLISHED.
A recent study shows that 104% of blogs are about how to write or what to write and are written by people who want to write. This is another one. By the way there's no point clicking that link, the statistic is made up (according to Vic Reeves, 88.2% of all stats are) and it will just redirect you to my wedding entertainment website.
There's a lot of material from self-publishers online and much from those following the traditional route, but today I am speaking to another demographic: those who have 'just' written a book. That's to say, it's finished, saved and sitting on your hard drive. You've typed 'The End' so what next?
How many words should it be? How many drafts should you write? When addressing the latter question I had no idea; do you start with a blank page or just polish your first effort. Now I am 2/3 through editing my manuscript I know one thing: approximately three sentences have remained untouched.
I've queried a few agents and while I am in submission limbo, I thought I would compile the following facts I've learned about the process. I am not really in a position to pass on 'advice'; these tactics have yet to work for me. If you're in a similar position with your work, what have you got to lose?
Submissions:
1) Every agency has different guidelines. Take the time and stick to them; you are unlikely to be the exception they're willing to allow. If they want a three-page synopis; send it. They request a one-page? Cut it down. It's difficult, I know. How do you reduce a 96,000 word novel (my first draft of Spotted was this long) to one side of double spaced text? An author friend of mine said 'get the story across.' I did but it left little space for nuance; hopefully my sample chapters will prove I can write.
2) Twitter is an amazing tool. Follow as many agents/publishers as you can; they often Tweet great advice. DO NOT QUERY THEM ONLINE. You will get blocked. @caroleagent is a brilliant source of information and will help you learn what NOT to do. Her book also reveals many publishing secrets but how she finds time for Twitter in her incredible schedule, remains a mystery.
3) Agencies receive dozens of submissions every day. Obviously yours is the best (behind mine) but if they do say no, they mean it. Don't try to argue your corner.
Editing
4) When editing, watch out for the word 'that.' If you don't need it; yank it out. I've removed approximately nine-hundred instances (citation needed) from Spotted.
5) 'He decided to call her' & 'She started to walk away.' I've found this type of prose needlessly slowing things down. Try: 'He called her.' & 'She walked away.' It helped me up the pace no end.
6) On editing; you may wonder how you can reduce the word count. Top tip: it's easy! If you're anything like me you will find you've repeated yourself a lot. You've probably said the same thing over and over. Information already written will appear again. It's easy to do and simple to rectify. From current calculations, the second draft of Spotted will be 13% (that's 12,500 words) shorter than the first. Hopefully, it will still make sense.
7) Find a good editor to look at your first three chapters. Once you have polished them you will believe them to be perfect. They will not be. It's useful (and terrifying) to have someone look at your stuff. I worked with @JessicaDall and found her a great help.
And finally:
8) Don't start a blog post when you're about to go to the theatre (and need to pick your daughter up from Rainbows.)
These are just a few major things that I have discovered; if I have got anything drastically wrong then please point it out. Also if you have any other great tips (or are just in a similar position) you can contact me via Twitter (@mrjamesmccann)
You can also follow the backstory of Alex Gaines (the Spotted main character) by following @AlexAboard.
James.
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Top 5 Cruise Destinations...
People often ask me - well, somebody did today - what my favourite cruise destination is. It's not an easy decision; I'm lucky enough to have sailed half the world and apart from Dakar in Senegal, most places have something great to offer.
I've finally bitten the bullet and put my top five cruise destinations below; feel free to comment if you agree, disagree or just want to troll me into a response!
5) Copenhagen, Denmark
The highlight is Tivoli Gardens; a wonderful place and magically lit at dusk. Avoiding sweaty teenagers and piles of vomit is much easier than in British theme parks (I'm talking to you Alton Towers) and features not only rides but great entertainment too.
The statue of Hans Christan Andersen's Little Mermaid is another popular tourist site but don't go there expecting to see a wisecracking Jamaican crab. I was bitterly disappointed on my first visit.
Finally and most impressive is Burger King (stick with me.) While I queued for my Whopper, the girl behind the counter switched from speaking Danish to German, then French and finally English. She wasn't showing off - just serving the multitude of tourists that such a great city boasts. THIS IS SOMEONE WHO WORKS IN BURGER KING. In the UK, you're lucky to find someone who has mastered English.
Danish Burger King Girl; I salute you! (but only one language.)
4) Barcelona, Spain
I don't like shopping. But seeing as some of my best friends are dancers - and serial retail therapists - I am well versed in the language of Mango, Zara and El Corte Ingles. Barcelona is the only place cool enough to allow me to enjoy buying stuff. Yes, there's great architecture, wonderful food and vibrant clubs but occasionally I need new clothes. Waiting for Barcelona to appear on the itinierary has led to some close calls (I almost ran out of underwear in the Baltics) but it's worth it. I usually stagger back up the gangway, laden with enough shirts, shorts and (purple) shoes to last another season. Plus, it's the only place I've found formal white shoes to match my Junior Officer uniform.
There's also a beach. And amazing restaurants. And Las Ramblas. Argh, I wanna go NOW!
3) Tortola, British Virgin Islands
The best beach in the world. The waves are large enough to enjoy without drowning (a dodgy moment in Costa Rica means this is important to me) and the beach bar is nearby and fully stocked. Travelling over the lush interior, Cane Garden Bay is far enough away from the docks to ensure few passengers make it. That's to say they haven't heard of it - I've never left one by the side of the road.
If gangway-taxi-beach-lunch-cocktails-beach-cocktails-taxi-ship isn't the perfect day, I don't want to know what is.
2) Cape Town, South Africa
This is a biggie. Our ship's small enough to dock at the Waterfront; a gated community of shops, restaurants, bars and fun. This isn't the real Africa but it is the place to party. Of course we ventured out; Table Mountain, vineyards and safaris are all on offer when visiting the area. The tours will take you past the shanty towns; startling glimpses behind the scenes, akin to finding yourself backstage at Disneyland. We also went out for the night to an incredibly ropy Bedouin themed club. When we told the port agent where we'd been, he nearly had a heart attack - we'd been obliviously dancing in a notorious crime hotspot.
The city also reminds me of my new favourite jokes: Where do most superheroes live? Capetown.
1) Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
Sugar Loaf Mountain, Corcovado and Copacabana; legendary places in an incredible city. Every view is an Ikea wall print and as in every cliche you've ever heard, samba music fills the air. From the portside takeaway (I'll have a McBob burger please) to the jobbing streetvendors, Rio is lively, fun and memorable. For the record, our cruise director (following many Caipirinhas) bought one man's entire stock of awful tourist t-shirts. We put them on and holdall empty, the guy joined us all for a drink. It's that kind of place.
NB. One of my best memories of Rio -and cruising in general - was the drive up to the statue of Christ The Redeemer; the whole enterainment department on a rare day off, having an impromptu 'sing off' to More Than Words by Extreme as we ascended into the sunshine. Perfect!
An honourable mention goes to London; not a regular cruise destination but a city we once docked in. Slipping up the Thames and mooring next to an office of astonished desk jockeys was a once in the lifetime experience. If only our temporary berth had proper cranes; every passenger's bag had to be remove by hand!
So what do you think? Don't forget to follow @AlexAboard on Twtter to discover where I'm off to next. What's your favourite cruise destination?
I've finally bitten the bullet and put my top five cruise destinations below; feel free to comment if you agree, disagree or just want to troll me into a response!
5) Copenhagen, Denmark
The highlight is Tivoli Gardens; a wonderful place and magically lit at dusk. Avoiding sweaty teenagers and piles of vomit is much easier than in British theme parks (I'm talking to you Alton Towers) and features not only rides but great entertainment too.
The statue of Hans Christan Andersen's Little Mermaid is another popular tourist site but don't go there expecting to see a wisecracking Jamaican crab. I was bitterly disappointed on my first visit.
Finally and most impressive is Burger King (stick with me.) While I queued for my Whopper, the girl behind the counter switched from speaking Danish to German, then French and finally English. She wasn't showing off - just serving the multitude of tourists that such a great city boasts. THIS IS SOMEONE WHO WORKS IN BURGER KING. In the UK, you're lucky to find someone who has mastered English.
Danish Burger King Girl; I salute you! (but only one language.)
4) Barcelona, Spain
I don't like shopping. But seeing as some of my best friends are dancers - and serial retail therapists - I am well versed in the language of Mango, Zara and El Corte Ingles. Barcelona is the only place cool enough to allow me to enjoy buying stuff. Yes, there's great architecture, wonderful food and vibrant clubs but occasionally I need new clothes. Waiting for Barcelona to appear on the itinierary has led to some close calls (I almost ran out of underwear in the Baltics) but it's worth it. I usually stagger back up the gangway, laden with enough shirts, shorts and (purple) shoes to last another season. Plus, it's the only place I've found formal white shoes to match my Junior Officer uniform.
There's also a beach. And amazing restaurants. And Las Ramblas. Argh, I wanna go NOW!
3) Tortola, British Virgin Islands
The best beach in the world. The waves are large enough to enjoy without drowning (a dodgy moment in Costa Rica means this is important to me) and the beach bar is nearby and fully stocked. Travelling over the lush interior, Cane Garden Bay is far enough away from the docks to ensure few passengers make it. That's to say they haven't heard of it - I've never left one by the side of the road.
If gangway-taxi-beach-lunch-cocktails-beach-cocktails-taxi-ship isn't the perfect day, I don't want to know what is.
2) Cape Town, South Africa
This is a biggie. Our ship's small enough to dock at the Waterfront; a gated community of shops, restaurants, bars and fun. This isn't the real Africa but it is the place to party. Of course we ventured out; Table Mountain, vineyards and safaris are all on offer when visiting the area. The tours will take you past the shanty towns; startling glimpses behind the scenes, akin to finding yourself backstage at Disneyland. We also went out for the night to an incredibly ropy Bedouin themed club. When we told the port agent where we'd been, he nearly had a heart attack - we'd been obliviously dancing in a notorious crime hotspot.
The city also reminds me of my new favourite jokes: Where do most superheroes live? Capetown.
1) Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
Sugar Loaf Mountain, Corcovado and Copacabana; legendary places in an incredible city. Every view is an Ikea wall print and as in every cliche you've ever heard, samba music fills the air. From the portside takeaway (I'll have a McBob burger please) to the jobbing streetvendors, Rio is lively, fun and memorable. For the record, our cruise director (following many Caipirinhas) bought one man's entire stock of awful tourist t-shirts. We put them on and holdall empty, the guy joined us all for a drink. It's that kind of place.
NB. One of my best memories of Rio -and cruising in general - was the drive up to the statue of Christ The Redeemer; the whole enterainment department on a rare day off, having an impromptu 'sing off' to More Than Words by Extreme as we ascended into the sunshine. Perfect!
An honourable mention goes to London; not a regular cruise destination but a city we once docked in. Slipping up the Thames and mooring next to an office of astonished desk jockeys was a once in the lifetime experience. If only our temporary berth had proper cranes; every passenger's bag had to be remove by hand!
So what do you think? Don't forget to follow @AlexAboard on Twtter to discover where I'm off to next. What's your favourite cruise destination?
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
Canaries Tweeting...
The Caribbean run and my holiday are over; it's time to spend some time in Europe.
Sailing out of Dover is always fun - as long as you can forget you'll be back in a fortnight - but I'm not looking to our frequent trips through the Bay of Biscay. Those with sensitive stomachs be warned; lurching walls and floors dropping away without warning are almost guaranteed. Honestly, there's nothing more thrilling than standing at the stern and seeing only sea, then sky, then sea again; Leo DiCaprio never had these sort of problems. In the Bay, if your cabin shelves don't shed their load at least twice a night, the Captain is doing something wrong.
Don't let the three sea days put you off; we'll soon be docking in Funchal, Madeira. Home of the Beatles Boat Bar (not it's actual name) and a bizarre toboggan that slides through the streets. No snow? No problem! In Funchal you can slalom down the road. See what it looks like here
From there it's on to the familiar Canaries; similar islands that are often hard to distinguish. It doesn't help that there are two towns called Santa Cruz (not to be confused with a Christmas shipboard holiday) - seriously guys, use your imagination!
I'll be back in England for the day on May 22nd but for updates about what I'm up to, don't forget to follow @AlexAboard on Twitter. You could even add Alex Gaines as a friend on Facebook
Right, must fly; I'm compering the show in ten minutes so I'd better learn the name of the acts. I won't make that mistake again...
Alex.
Sailing out of Dover is always fun - as long as you can forget you'll be back in a fortnight - but I'm not looking to our frequent trips through the Bay of Biscay. Those with sensitive stomachs be warned; lurching walls and floors dropping away without warning are almost guaranteed. Honestly, there's nothing more thrilling than standing at the stern and seeing only sea, then sky, then sea again; Leo DiCaprio never had these sort of problems. In the Bay, if your cabin shelves don't shed their load at least twice a night, the Captain is doing something wrong.
Don't let the three sea days put you off; we'll soon be docking in Funchal, Madeira. Home of the Beatles Boat Bar (not it's actual name) and a bizarre toboggan that slides through the streets. No snow? No problem! In Funchal you can slalom down the road. See what it looks like here
From there it's on to the familiar Canaries; similar islands that are often hard to distinguish. It doesn't help that there are two towns called Santa Cruz (not to be confused with a Christmas shipboard holiday) - seriously guys, use your imagination!
I'll be back in England for the day on May 22nd but for updates about what I'm up to, don't forget to follow @AlexAboard on Twitter. You could even add Alex Gaines as a friend on Facebook
Right, must fly; I'm compering the show in ten minutes so I'd better learn the name of the acts. I won't make that mistake again...
Alex.
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