Exclusive Spotted excerpt: Alex gets some news...

To raise awareness of World Diabetes Day, I've decided to post a short excerpt from Spotted. In this scene, Alex is facing a routine medical for his new job...     

     Alex scanned the posters plastered across the surgery. From nine separate signs, he learned that breastfeeding was good, but assumed that was only for babies and infants. He also confirmed that STIs were bad and committed to making a note of this as soon as possible.

     The scruffy appearance of the office and indeed Doctor Taylor did not inspire confidence. The GP’s prematurely greying hair was dry and unkempt and her stained blouse was buttoned incorrectly. Alex was glad he wasn’t actually ill.

     ‘Is there anything else you think your employers should know?’ she asked, haphazardly ticking boxes on Alex’s form.

     ‘Don’t think so.’ Alex smiled. ‘I have been quite thirty recently, so you could tell them to stock up the bars!’

     ‘Thirsty?’ The doctor looked up. ‘Passing water frequently?’

     ‘Well, I’m parked beside the river.’

     ‘I mean are you peeing more.’    

     Alex cut his losses and didn’t explain the joke. ‘I guess so.’

     ‘Any weight loss?’

     ‘A little.’

     ‘Hmm. It could be diabetes. Hold on.’ She shambled out of the door.

     Alex did a cartoon double-take. Whaaaaaaat?

     The doctor seemed very casual so Alex shrugged and slipped back into his trainers.  Knowing practically nothing about diabetes, Alex turned to the GP’s wall of facts.

     DIABETES was spelt out in sugar lumps on one of the more prominent posters. Alex inspected the list of risk factors and answered the shouty, upper-case questions:

ARE YOU WHITE AND OVER FORTY?     No.

ARE YOU BLACK, ASIAN AND OVER

TWENTY-FIVE?                      Er...no.

DOES A CLOSE MEMBER OF YOUR

FAMILY HAVE DIABETES?             Nope.

IS YOUR WAIST OVER 35 INCHES?         Negative.

DO YOU HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE?  Not yet.

EVER SUFFERED A HEART ATTACK OR

STROKE?                           Never.

ARE YOU AN OVERWEIGHT WOMAN

WITH POLYCYSTIC OVARY SYNDROME?   Not last time I checked.

     With each ‘correct’ answer, Alex relaxed a little more; clearly, Dr ‘Egg On Her Shirt’ had made a mistake. The GP returned holding several pieces of equipment.

     ‘I’m going to check your blood sugar levels,’ she explained. ‘Not scared of needles, are we?’

     ‘Nope,’ he replied. This wasn’t bravado; Alex even had happy memories of his school tuberculosis jab. After his Heaf test, he’d proved immune to the disease and didn’t require an injection; a fact he kept from his waiting classmates. Alex still remembered how horrified they looked as he limped past, clutching his upper arm, face contorted in mock anguish.

     ‘Give me your hand please,’ the doctor instructed. She placed the nib of what looked like a chunky, marker pen against his thumb and depressed a small yellow button. The machine clicked and Alex felt a sharp scratch. She squeezed below the impact site and a small drop of blood bloomed into view.

     She picked up another device. ‘This will tell me how much sugar is currently in your bloodstream.’ The curved gadget, with glowing green display, appealed to Alex’s nerdy side.

‘It should be somewhere between four and eight millimoles per litre.’

     ‘Of course.’ Alex nodded like he knew what she was talking about.

     Protruding from the bottom of the unit was a small plastic strip. She held this in the pooled blood and it acted as a wick, pulling the fluid into the tester. As soon as there was enough for a reading, the screen displayed a rotating egg timer. Dr. Taylor handed Alex some cotton wool for his wound. She sat back at her desk and waited for the result.

     Alex now realised how ‘Millionaire’ contestants felt when Chris Tarrant prevaricated over the correct answer; he sincerely hoped the doctor wouldn’t cut to a commercial break. Alex didn’t know the implications of diabetes and all he could think of was an enforced switch to Diet Coke. He tried to shake that particular horror from his mind; it probably wasn’t his biggest priority. As they sat, he began to wonder if maybe he was sick; he was certainly feeling a little queasy.

     ’Wow,’ Dr. Taylor said after no more than five seconds. Alex was suddenly concerned; ‘Wow’ was unlikely to be followed by ‘Everything is completely normal.’

     ‘So what is it?’ Alex’s voice caught slightly in his throat.

     ‘Your blood glucose level is 29.4 Alex,’ The doctor stated baldly. ‘You have diabetes.’

     Alex swallowed. ‘Just like that?’

     ‘We’ll need a urine sample and to take some more blood, but yes. This test is conclusive.’ 

     ‘I don’t believe it,’ Alex stammered. For the first time in his life the phrase rang completely true; he was certain she was wrong. ‘I’m fine,’ he explained. ‘And the poster says I’m not at risk.’

     ‘Those factors are mainly for Type 2 diabetes. Given your age, you’re more likely to have Type 1, insulin-dependent diabetes.’

     ‘Insulin-dependent? You mean injections?’

     The doctor nodded. Alex stared at the floor, attempting to assimilate his years of accumulated diabetic knowledge. He knew Sir Steve Redgrave was diabetic and Gary Mabbutt played for Spurs with the disease. Perhaps Keith Harris had it too, though he might be confusing diabetes with Orville. Alex’s thoughts were chaotic; perhaps the excess sugar was affecting his brain? All he could picture was a green duck in a nappy, shooting up. Hung up on this Trainspotting meets Sesame Street image, he ignored the doctor.

     ‘I’ll refer you to a diabetes specialist,’ she was saying. ‘They have a clinic on Thursday.’

     Alex snapped back to the present. ‘That’s no good. I’m flying to America tomorrow.’

     ‘America?’

     ‘To work on a ship. That’s why I’m here.’ Alex indicated the form.

     ‘Ah, you’ll have to check on that.’ She paused awkwardly. ‘I can’t sign you off, you see?’

     ‘What do you mean?’

     ‘The diabetes means you’ve failed your Pre-Employment Medical Examination.’

     ‘Oh.’ Alex’s stomach was turning inside out; the single syllable was all he could muster.

     ‘Diabetes is a condition that precludes you from working at sea. I’m sorry.’

Alex sniffed and turned away from the doctor. ‘What am I going to do?’

     Ignoring the rhetorical nature of his question, she tried too hard to fill the pained silence. Careers advice wasn’t her jurisdiction so she reached over and clumsily placed her palm on Alex’s forearm. ‘Your first job is to get your blood glucose levels under control. Left unchecked, diabetes is a very serious disease. It can lead to loss of limbs or even sight.’

     ‘Who said that?’ Alex joked lamely.

     The GP’s forced grin didn’t reach her eyes. ‘I’ll call and arrange your appointment; the clinic will explain exactly what you need to do.’

     ‘That’s good,’ Alex replied, ‘because I have no idea.’

The doctor stared for a moment then rallied herself. She patted Alex’s hand and briskly stood up. ‘You’ll be fine. You’re young and healthy—’

     ‘Apart from the diabetes.’

     ‘Well, yes. But you’ll have that under control in no time.’

     ‘And then I’ll be able to take the job?’

     ‘We’ll see.’

     Alex slumped. His parents had used ‘we’ll see’ throughout his childhood; he knew exactly what it meant.

     Alex thanked the doctor who promised her receptionist would be in touch. He left the room, clutching two urine sample bottles and a fistful of leaflets.

     Alex wasn’t sure where to go or who to call. Ironically, he was all at sea.

Hope you enjoyed it! For more information, please email james@spottednovel.com 

I blame (credit) YOU TV!

Bur for television my novel would have been finished in 2006. The prevaricators dream really hasn't helped my creative endeavours. Or has it?

I love TV, let's get that straight. I designate it as my top hobby, way above repeatedly playing E chords on my guitar (it's the only one that doesn't sound like somebody cycling over a violin) and thumping golf balls into bushes, copses and the occasional greenskeeper.

The problem is that it makes me mad. Sweary, shouty, slap-myself-in-the-forehead-and-scare-the-cat-across-the-room crazy. I often gape, slack-jawed at what I'm witnessing. What's worse is that I've started deliberately watching programmes that are sure to induce this response. I sometimes even SKY+ them. I have stopped recommending good shows to friends, instead saying things like 'Coming Of Age. BBC 3. Watch it, you'll die inside.'

Do other viewers react like this too? At Old Trafford, you can often see 76,000 people with their head in their hands as Berbatov puts a shot wide. But would they do the same if they were watching ITV's All Star Impression Show and Chesney Hawkes appeared, playing Prince William? (I was actually going to create a blog called 'ITV's All Star Impression Show: What Was All That About?' but thought I might run out of material after two or three years. It's on YouTube by the way so watch it. You'll die inside.)

So why am I committing all of these thoughts to paper? Well not paper. Unless you print blogs out and if that's the case, you may be a more of a tragic case than I am. Ostensibly, it's a release valve and an attempt to avoid some of my more unreasonable outbursts:

"SOMEBODY WROTE THIS! IT HAD A WRITER. LOOK THAT'S HIS NAME. THERE! THERE ON THE CREDITS. ARGGH."

My new plan is to calmly log the person's name, blog about their show then prepare a death threat. That's a joke by the way; I know that nobody goes out of their way to produce bad television. It's just that some of the shows seem to be so lazily produced and clichéd and poorly directed and badly scripted and...BREATHE...

OK, I'm back. Sorry about that. Now before we contine, I must also declare an interest, a piece of information that may colour your view of this rant. You might have guessed already but I am a frustrated writer. I've written and directed for the stage but my scripts and ideas for TV have been rebuffed. Luckily, I'm not bitter. Those £"!*&%$£ just don't know what they're missing, that's all. Do they? DO THEY?

What I've learned while writing Spotted, is that television - whether good or bad - has been a massive influece on my creative process. Hopefully I have channeled a lifetime of viewing into one funny, well paced (bestselling) novel. I try and inject humour into every scene and end each one with a mini cliffhanger; all to keep the reader engaged and entertained. I also play heavily on pop culture references; who would have guessed I was watching a lot of Community at the time?

Ultimately, I would love to adapt the book for the screen but for now, I will concentrate on getting it published first. If you have any advice regarding this, please feel free to comment below!

I'm heading off to my first love now; getting ready for the next match of Euro 2012. Uncscripted, exciting and completely unpredictable; football is PERFECT telly.

A blog about writing? That's so meta...

NOTE: ANY ADVICE GIVEN CANNOT BE TRUSTED; I AM UNPUBLISHED. REPEAT: UNPUBLISHED.

A recent study shows that 104% of blogs are about how to write or what to write and are written by people who want to write. This is another one. By the way there's no point clicking that link, the statistic is made up (according to Vic Reeves, 88.2% of all stats are) and it will just redirect you to my wedding entertainment website.

There's a lot of material from self-publishers online and much from those following the traditional route, but today I am speaking to another demographic: those who have 'just' written a book. That's to say, it's finished, saved and sitting on your hard drive. You've typed 'The End' so what next?

How many words should it be? How many drafts should you write? When addressing the latter question I had no idea; do you start with a blank page or just polish your first effort. Now I am 2/3 through editing my manuscript I know one thing: approximately three sentences have remained untouched.

I've queried a few agents and while I am in submission limbo, I thought I would compile the following facts I've learned about the process. I am not really in a position to pass on 'advice'; these tactics have yet to work for me. If you're in a similar position with your work, what have you got to lose?

Submissions:

1) Every agency has different guidelines. Take the time and stick to them; you are unlikely to be the exception they're willing to allow. If they want a three-page synopis; send it. They request a one-page? Cut it down. It's difficult, I know. How do you reduce a 96,000 word novel (my first draft of Spotted was this long) to one side of double spaced text? An author friend of mine said 'get the story across.' I did but it left little space for nuance; hopefully my sample chapters will prove I can write.

2) Twitter is an amazing tool. Follow as many agents/publishers as you can; they often Tweet great advice. DO NOT QUERY THEM ONLINE. You will get blocked. @caroleagent is a brilliant source of information and will help you learn what NOT to do. Her book also reveals many publishing secrets but how she finds time for Twitter in her incredible schedule, remains a mystery.

3) Agencies receive dozens of submissions every day. Obviously yours is the best (behind mine) but if they do say no, they mean it. Don't try to argue your corner.

Editing

4) When editing, watch out for the word 'that.' If you don't need it; yank it out. I've removed approximately nine-hundred instances (citation needed) from Spotted.

5) 'He decided to call her' & 'She started to walk away.' I've found this type of prose needlessly slowing things down. Try: 'He called her.' & 'She walked away.' It helped me up the pace no end.

6) On editing; you may wonder how you can reduce the word count. Top tip: it's easy! If you're anything like me you will find you've repeated yourself a lot. You've probably said the same thing over and over. Information already written will appear again. It's easy to do and simple to rectify. From current calculations, the second draft of Spotted will be 13% (that's  12,500 words) shorter than the first. Hopefully, it will still make sense.

7) Find a good editor to look at your first three chapters. Once you have polished them you will believe them to be perfect. They will not be. It's useful (and terrifying) to have someone look at your stuff. I worked with @JessicaDall and found her a great help.

And finally:

8) Don't start a blog post when you're about to go to the theatre (and need to pick your daughter up from Rainbows.)

These are just a few major things that I have discovered; if I have got anything drastically wrong then please point it out. Also if you have any other great tips (or are just in a similar position) you can contact me via  Twitter (@mrjamesmccann)

You can also follow the backstory of Alex Gaines (the Spotted main character) by following @AlexAboard.

James.

Top 5 Cruise Destinations...

People often ask me - well, somebody did today - what my favourite cruise destination is. It's not an easy decision; I'm lucky enough to have sailed half the world and apart from Dakar in Senegal, most places have something great to offer.

I've finally bitten the bullet and put my top five cruise destinations below; feel free to comment if you agree, disagree or just want to troll me into a response!

5) Copenhagen, Denmark

The highlight is Tivoli Gardens; a wonderful place and magically lit at dusk. Avoiding sweaty teenagers and piles of vomit is much easier than in British theme parks (I'm talking to you Alton Towers) and features not only rides but great entertainment too.

The statue of Hans Christan Andersen's Little Mermaid is another popular tourist site but don't go there expecting to see a wisecracking Jamaican crab. I was bitterly disappointed on my first visit.

Finally and most impressive is Burger King (stick with me.) While I queued for my Whopper, the girl behind the counter switched from speaking Danish to German, then French and finally English. She wasn't showing off - just serving the multitude of tourists that such a great city boasts. THIS IS SOMEONE WHO WORKS IN BURGER KING. In the UK, you're lucky to find someone who has mastered English.

Danish Burger King Girl; I salute you! (but only one language.)

4) Barcelona, Spain

I don't like shopping. But seeing as some of my best friends are dancers - and serial retail therapists - I am well versed in the language of Mango, Zara and El Corte Ingles. Barcelona is the only place cool enough to allow me to enjoy buying stuff. Yes, there's great architecture, wonderful food and vibrant clubs but occasionally I need new clothes. Waiting for Barcelona to appear on the itinierary has led to some close calls (I almost ran out of underwear in the Baltics) but it's worth it. I usually stagger back up the gangway, laden with enough shirts, shorts and (purple) shoes to last another season. Plus, it's the only place I've found formal white shoes to match my Junior Officer uniform.

There's also a beach. And amazing restaurants. And Las Ramblas. Argh, I wanna go NOW!

3) Tortola, British Virgin Islands

The best beach in the world. The waves are large enough to enjoy without drowning (a dodgy moment in Costa Rica means this is important to me) and the beach bar is nearby and fully stocked. Travelling over the lush interior, Cane Garden Bay is far enough away from the docks to ensure few passengers make it. That's to say they haven't heard of it - I've never left one by the side of the road.

If gangway-taxi-beach-lunch-cocktails-beach-cocktails-taxi-ship isn't the perfect day, I don't want to know what is.

2) Cape Town, South Africa

This is a biggie. Our ship's small enough to dock at the Waterfront; a gated community of shops, restaurants, bars and fun. This isn't the real Africa but it is the place to party. Of course we ventured out; Table Mountain, vineyards and safaris are all on offer when visiting the area. The tours will take you past the shanty towns; startling glimpses behind the scenes, akin to finding yourself backstage at Disneyland. We also went out for the night to an incredibly ropy Bedouin themed club. When we told the port agent where we'd been, he nearly had a heart attack - we'd been obliviously dancing in a notorious crime hotspot.

The city also reminds me of my new favourite jokes: Where do most superheroes live? Capetown.

1) Rio De Janeiro, Brazil

Sugar Loaf Mountain, Corcovado and Copacabana; legendary places in an incredible city. Every view is an Ikea wall print and as in every cliche you've ever heard, samba music fills the air. From the portside takeaway (I'll have a McBob burger please) to the jobbing streetvendors, Rio is lively, fun and memorable. For the record, our cruise director (following many Caipirinhas) bought one man's entire stock of awful tourist t-shirts. We put them on and holdall empty, the guy joined us all for a drink. It's that kind of place.

NB. One of my best memories of Rio -and cruising in general - was the drive up to the statue of Christ The Redeemer; the whole enterainment department on a rare day off, having an impromptu 'sing off' to More Than Words by Extreme as we ascended into the sunshine. Perfect!

An honourable mention goes to London; not a regular cruise destination but a city we once docked in. Slipping up the Thames and mooring next to an office of astonished desk jockeys was a once in the lifetime experience. If only our temporary berth had proper cranes; every passenger's bag had to be remove by hand!

So what do you think? Don't forget to follow @AlexAboard on Twtter to discover where I'm off to next. What's your favourite cruise destination?

Canaries Tweeting...

The Caribbean run and my holiday are over; it's time to spend some time in Europe.

Sailing out of Dover is always fun - as long as you can forget you'll be back in a fortnight - but I'm not looking to our frequent trips through the Bay of Biscay. Those with sensitive stomachs be warned; lurching walls and floors dropping away without warning are almost guaranteed. Honestly, there's nothing more thrilling than standing at the stern and seeing only sea, then sky, then sea again; Leo DiCaprio never had these sort of problems. In the Bay, if your cabin shelves don't shed their load at least twice a night, the Captain is doing something wrong.

Don't let the three sea days put you off; we'll soon be docking in Funchal, Madeira. Home of the Beatles Boat Bar (not it's actual name) and a bizarre toboggan that slides through the streets. No snow? No problem! In Funchal you can slalom down the road. See what it looks like here

From there it's on to the familiar Canaries; similar islands that are often hard to distinguish. It doesn't help that there are two towns called Santa Cruz (not to be confused with a Christmas shipboard holiday) - seriously guys, use your imagination!

I'll be back in England for the day on May 22nd but for updates about what I'm up to, don't forget to follow @AlexAboard on Twitter. You could even add Alex Gaines as a friend on Facebook

Right, must fly; I'm compering the show in ten minutes so I'd better learn the name of the acts. I won't make that mistake again...

Alex.

Cruise Review: Caribbean fun!

As I've mentioned before, the worst thing about the Caribbean is spelling the name of the damn sea. Still, once that little sandbank was circumnavigated, we had a lot of fun. At least we didn't have to get towed around in the dark.

Itinerary

Two days at sea; now that's what I'm talking about! Island hopping is the best way to cruise; a great new place to see each day.

Curacao was a great start and the coloured houses reminded everyone of Balamory. No sign of PC Plum though, rumour has it he's run off with Edie McCredie (citation needed.) Archie the inventor wasn't around either; he is said to be off designing a new ship for Costa.

Cane Garden Bay in Tortola (that's a British Virgin Island don'tchaknow) was amazing as usual with waves just large enough to make swimming fun. Antigua is also one of my favourites, I'll definitely have to visit for a longer holiday someday.

I enjoyed marching into the Saints (Maarten and Kitts) but I'm not sure whose idea was the 'scenic cruise around the Grenadines' was. Sailing close to land without docking was a terrible tease; I was sorely tempted to jump and swim for shore!

I'm looking forward to our next Caribbean adventure with a few new destinations to visit. I'll let you know how it goes.

Cabaret

The resident team were the highlight of this cruise and the fact that I've already seen their shows hundreds of times (I now know every lyric to Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows) indicates just how bad the guest entertainers were. On the second night we were treated to the musical stylings of a harmonica duo (that's right) and things just went downhill from there.

The comic's act (that description might be stretching things) was like a roll of eco-friendly toilet roll; 90% recycled and only good for shoving up your..ahem, exuse me. This is a family show folks.

Suffice to say, I'm looking forward to some fresh blood next time around. We have two acts embarking that I've never heard of; here's hoping at least one is under seventy.
You'll find out about it all soon enought but in the meantime, don't forget to follow me on Twitter (@AlexAboard) or even add me as as friend on Facebook.

Chuff chuff!

(I still haven't settled on a catchphrase, suggestions would be welcome below!)

The Costa Cruising...

So there's a fire on a cruise ship and it happens to be a Costa vessel? No big deal.

We already know that there are no crew or passenger casualties (and that's something to be grateful for) but this kind of thing happens more regularly than you might imagine. Only now, post-Concordia is it international news.

A while back, Jo and I were taking a stoll down 4 deck when we noticed smoke billowing from a crew area door. No matter, we were trained and immediately notified the bridge.

It turns out the baker had burned the buns (no really) and part of the galley was on fire. We kindly helped by unleashing and passing the fire hose to the guys that needed it; all the while reassuring passengers who were somewhat shocked by the smoke.

The whole situation was over in a few minutes and the experience gave us something to chat (and blog) about. The baker made another tray of buns and everybody was happy. It didn't make the front pages.

My point is, cruising is a safe and fun way to travel. You visit new places and see sights you could never imagine (who honestly would choose to spend a whole holiday in Dakar, Senegal?)

Please don't let a couple of incidents put you off; the cruise industry has a great track record and provides entertainment to hundreds of thousands every year.

For more fire-fighting, gangway-jumping, port-visiting cruise excitement, follow me on Twitter (@AlexAboard) or add Alex Gaines on Facebook.

Happy sailing!

Cruise Review: The Amazon..

With another cruise completed I thought I would post a little review of what we've been up to on the old Prince Albert (please stop laughing; I know the name sounds bad.) If you have any questions, feel free to comment below.

Itinerary

Phew, eight sea days in a fifteen day cruise; talk about hard work! I reckon we ran out of entertainment ideas two days into our homeward journey and some of the activities were really scraping the barrel. It will be a long time before we invite the stores manager to do a talk about shipboard stock control; who knew there was so much involved in the ordering of shiitake mushrooms? And more to the point; who cared? Dolphin racing was as popular as usual though I think I strained my vocal chords with some over excited commentary during the final furlong; well, there was a bottle of Cava at stake.

Still, when we finally got there, the Amazon was amazing and we had an er..interesting evening out in Manaus. Never again will I complain about British taxi drivers; at least their cabs have doors!

I was slightly nervous when the crocs we were supposed to be 'spotting' were hauled into the boat but then again, they were just babies; only capable of severing a finger and not an arm.

Scarborough was nice too and about thirty degrees warmer than its UK counterpart. After spending the day on a glorious beach, I'm guessing the towns are not actually twinned.

Cabaret

Our two guest acts couldn't have been more different this cruise; we had a ropey ventriloquist (clearly a kids' entertainer who was massively out of his depth) and a brilliant singer, performing standards and swing classics.

Despite the singer's powerful vibrato, I reckon his lips moved less than the vent's; hiding behind a giant purple dragon puppet did nothing to help his dying act. After muffling through Mary Had A Little Lamb, he made the tragic mistake of asking if there were any requests. 'Bugger off!' came the reply; which of course he didn't repeat (he couldn't do 'B's.)

The resident team did their usual good work despite a hiccup during their 'Night At The Musicals' show. During their rousing, flag-waving Les Miserables finale, it became evident that one man on the balcony was booing vociferously; the question was why? It really wasn't that bad.

After chatting to his shaken wife (he was hiding shamefacedly in his cabin) it emerged that he'd believed it to be a pro-IRA performance (don't ask) and was showing his displeasure. We were all glad he didn't make it out on Country & Western night.

So that was the Amazon; another location ticked off the bucket list. We're heading for a proper Carribbean run next (I hate spelling that word) so hopefully, I'll see you soon. Don't forget to follow me on Twitter (@AlexAboard) or even add me as as friend on Facebook.

Anchors away!

(I still haven't settled on a catchphrase, suggestions would be welcome below!)

SPOTTED PRESS RELEASE

Just hijacking Alex's blog to provide you with the latest Spotted press release. Enjoy!

A novel way to sell a book:
Local author takes to Twitter to get fans onboard

Every successful writer needs a following and debut novelist James McCann thinks he may have found a unique way to build his.

With his novel ‘Spotted’ nearing completion, he is launching the tale on the internet, where readers can receive his character’s back-story exclusively online.

By following @AlexAboard on Twitter (or friending Alex Gaines on Facebook) fans will receive updates from Alex, a cruise ship entertainer touring the world on a small British liner. The Tweets will drop subtle hints of where Alex’s future lies and will continue right up until publication of the book. The opening chapter will continue seamlessly from the final message.

The aim of the endeavour is to secure a publisher for the book and gather an audience for when it is released. Those following Alex will be treated to a succession of funny Tweets about his life at sea and receive the latest news on the novel’s progress.

James McCann is available for interview and would relish the opportunity to spread the word further. Please email info@spottednovel.com or call 07988 890317 for more information. Alternatively, visit http://www.spottednovel.com/

Please find the blurb for Spotted below, if you want to know more then please get in touch.


DRUGS! PHONE HACKING! BAVARIAN SLICES!

Upcoming novel Spotted features all of the above and some other things...

Set in the enticing world of celebrity and popular culture, Spotted tells the tale of Alex Gaines; a cruise ship entertainer whose life suddenly hits the rocks. Ironically, it is only then that his career starts to set sail.

As his profile rises, Alex struggles to adjust to his new found fame and come to terms with his (totally legal) addiction to prescription drugs. His is a journey to top that of any X Factor contestant; culminating with a moment more explosive than Simon Cowell could ever manufacture.

Launched exclusively online, don’t miss the opportunity to follow Alex’s story and find out if he is ever truly Spotted.

Back on board...

Yep, I'm back where I belong; the jolly old Prince Albert!

I feel that I should point out immediately that I'm not in charge of naming the ships; it is unfortunate, I admit.

Still, she's a loveable old tug and my cabin is as cosy as ever; I've travelled light this time, bringing only my laptop, PS3, stereo, three giant suitcases and a fridge. There's just enough room left to swing a cat but the captain frowns on bringing pets aboard, in fact I once heard he tossed a spaniel over the side. He was last seen doing the doggy paddle! Eh? Geddit!?

We have a lot of laughs on board so I thought it might be best to write some things down, who knows what I'll forget in my old age (or by the time I'm thirty?)

I'm Tweeting now as well, so follow @AlexAboard or even friend me (is that a verb now?) on Facebook: Alex Gaines

See you soon!